Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
