apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
