I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
