im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
