Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Randomize
