The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
