Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
