You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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