Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize