the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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