I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
