also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
