I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
