I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
