Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I need to stop coming to work sober
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
