I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
