I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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