my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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