someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
