The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
