just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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