there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
