is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
