i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
