I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
