I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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