come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
