never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
