You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
