Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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