You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
