I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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