I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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