he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im holly from the hills drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
