i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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