So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
