Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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