you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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