If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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