My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
