Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize