The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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