he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
