I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize