How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
