Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
