I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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