We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I smell stomach acid.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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