Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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