So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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