Sponge bath it is.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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