I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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