Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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