I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
