I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
