Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
