the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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