your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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