hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
