I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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