I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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