Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
