Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
