she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
