I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
