OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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