big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
nutella sex= disaster
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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