dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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