I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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