Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
