Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
