the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
