i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
