My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
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