i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
