he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
