I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
