is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
