Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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