Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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