She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
