Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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