I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
