Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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