she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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