Are we in a gay sports bar?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
