I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
