the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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