the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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