Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
