remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
