discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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