I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
