ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
