I'm jealous of your bromance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
