Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
