Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
