I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
