Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
