Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
