Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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